Canned Response

Strangers often ask the boys (usually after noting these are chatty little guys) - "Are you twins?" Tanner's canned response very matter-of-fact is always, "Yes. I'm taller but he's older by one minute." Phew...age vs. height allows us to keep the score tied! So glad Dr B didn't pull Tanner out first or Alex's ego would be so bruised to be both younger and shorter! :)

What was cool in the 80s...should stay in the 80s

Tanner is pretty proud lately of his breakdancing skills. Yes - I said breakdancing. He's thrashing around on the floor...spinning...sporting a full-blown centipede move. With a snazzy Kidz Bops Dance CD in the background he's thinking he's pretty hot stuff!

He busted out with an appropriately stated "Gag me with a spoon" a few nights ago and I absolutely lost it! Love the use of an unprompted idiom I guess...but seriously?

Listen fellow parents (or teachers?) - the 80s were generally speaking a once in a lifetime decade that need not be lived again through our children. Don't you think? :) 80s rock is the clear exception to this rule, of course!

Yet someone out there is leaking snip-its from the 80s vault to their kids...then on to my kids...and I'm not sure if I should laugh or be embarrassed at the memory of it all or cry? Given the blog title...laugh it will be I guess :)

I'm half expecting an excited request from Tanner for parachute pants or a mullet by the weekend at this rate. What else should I be bracing myself for from a 7 year old boy who seems to be time-warping back to the days of legwarmers and friendship pins and AquaNet by the gallon? I remember much of the girly stuff, but boy stuff I'm at a loss on.

See-wee-ous-wee

"See - wee - ous -wee" in Alex speak equals "seriously". It's a favorite word as of late, used appropriately and in a very serious tone of voice. Yet, when he says it, I can't help but to smile. :) Poor guy - his adjective has the exact opposite impact of it's meaning so I try really hard not let him catch my grin. I could probably coax out a more appropriate 'ly' ending...but that middle 'r' sound I'm afraid is doomed for a while. It's one of those things I'll probably never be able to catch on video...but it's at least permanently recorded in the blog :)

Hello Fractions!

Alex is clearly thinking in fractions lately. Tanner said something about being 7 3/4 years old. Alex quickly corrected him stating he is 7 11/12 years old. (Just wait...I bet he'll move to fractions by /365 very soon as the countdown to their birthday is on!)

At dinner, as he squirmed and complained, he gave blow-by-blow progress in eating his salmon patty by fractions ("I think I've eaten one quarter. Moments later..."If I eat this bite and this bite it will be one third" And so on throughout the painful process).

So my numbers boy has found a fresh look at his world through fractions. Cute.

Mom Can Do No Wrong

Same car ride home tonight...Tanner now randomly responds to Alex's walk down memory lane.

Tanner: Well, Alex, I remember a time when I was 5 years old and I fell out of a golf cart and hit my head!

Mom: Do you remember who was driving that golf cart?

Tanner: DADDY!

I start laughing hysterically. Jim has taken them golfing many times since they were about 4 years old I think. Each time Jim took them I would threaten Jim within an inch of his life that if he ever let one of them fall out of the cart. But here's the funny part - I've gone only twice - and the second time it was ME who dumped Tanner out of the cart when making a sharp turn to pick up a ball! Of course, Mom can do no wrong though :)

Dad: That is so not true. It was your Mom!

Tanner: Silly Daddy. It was you. I totally remember it. Mom didn't do that.

Mom: (laughing hysterically)

Dad: Amy - tell the truth - you need to set the record straight.

Mom: I have no idea what you mean. (still laughing...now with tears)

Tanner: Yeah - Dad. Mom didn't do that.

Dad: Amy - set the record straight or you can walk home.

Tanner: Mom isn't walking home Dad and you did it!

Then I fessed up. And the whole thing instantly became a non-issue because...Mom can do no wrong :) The joys of motherhood!

Random Remarks

Oh if I could get in that little boys head! So, we're driving home from dinner at Uccello's tonight and Alex announces, "Tanner, remember that time when I told you that I drank a cows pee?".

I spin around thinking WHAT THE...????

Fortunately, Jim was there to translate. He had a field trip at school to a dairy farm and he had a squirt of milk from a cow's udder...and Jim was a chaperone :) Mystery solved...this time. But seriously - if I had a transcript of Alex's day, there would be numerous such random remarks that are so bizarre when made without context. I can tell you this...his little brain moves nonstop...24/7...and we hear only a fraction of what he thinks.

As for Tanner, not much left to the imagination with Mr. Articulate I'm afraid :)

Surround Sound

Each night between 11:45pm and 12:15am, you can get a chuckle out of dualing sleep talkers in the Wooden household. Both boys talk in their sleep on and off throughout the night, but religiously, they both get really chatty about this time. They put forth a strong #3 voice and let you know just what they are thinking about. Most commonly, Tanner is have a very rationale conversation with someone about something while Alex's comments are usually a little more energized. Tonight I've already heard 'Oh drat' and 'C'mon Mom'. Wonder what he's thinking about? :)

Sometimes...if I'm getting tired ~11:30pm I'll stay up just a little longer to listen to the fireworks. If you sit on the stairs, it's like surround sound with Tanner's babbling coming from below and Alex's from above.

Why am I typing this? I should get out a video camera for audio!!!

Off the Reading List

Alex called his gym teacher a jerk today - repeatedly. Completely appalled, I asked him where he learned that word. His response, "It's from Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Gregory says it to Roderick". And here I expected he learned it from a friend or from TV. But no - he learned it from a book.

So - the entire Diary of a Wimpy Kid series is now banned in the Wooden house. I have some not-so-happy campers.

P.S. - They couldn't have gym today as usually scheduled because the 3rd graders were practicing for their musical. If you're wondering what set him off...it was a schedule change...of course :( Nonetheless, the dude is wii-less, DS-less, computer-less, treat-less, nightime reading-less, morning bus privilege-less until Thursday...assuming he makes better choices Tues/Wed. It's so not fair that consequences for kids have to bring dread upon the parents as well!!!!

My Trooper (and no - not the dog)

Alex is the BEST kid ever when he is sick. He'll lie low and look awful, but insist that he is 'just fine'. Since this post is about Alex, I won't detail Tanner's other extreme in dealing with sickness...but let's just say that Alex has favored son status hands down in this arena :)

If Alex announces that he is sick...actually admits it...something is really wrong. If he cries, I'm ready to drop everything and run him to the doctor or hospital because it's SO out of character.

Last night he left the dinner table supposedly to go to the bathroom, but Jim found him in our bed. Not a good sign, but again, Alex won't ever admit if he's sick. There is a carnival at his school today, so he repeatedly stated last night totally unprompted, "I'm fine to go the carnival". Total denial. When it was time to take a bubble bath (which he LOVES), Jim found him curled up with a blanket on the hard wood floors in his bedroom. Again - not a good sign.

At midnight he was bawling and grabbing my neck for dear life. Every time he swallowed his body literally shook and he was burning up with a fever. And he admitted he was sick. Crap. That meant it was bad. Tested positive for strep this AM at urgent care within 30 seconds, and probably had it for days. His tonsils look so bad they wrote 3 prescriptions including prednisone. If only he would tell me when he was sick! What family member does he get all this denial from? Grandpa Jim maybe?

Of course I hate it when he's sick, but I love our little tradition of eating the blues away. If he's up in the middle of the night not feeling well, we find something really special to eat together at the kitchen island. One Thanksgiving, he and I polished off left over pumpkin pie at 4am and he talked about it for weeks. Last night, we tore into donuts I'd bought for Saturday AM. He choked down only about 1/4 of one doughnut. Broke my heart. This is one sick little boy. The only thing that's going to help this little guy feel better is snuggle time with Mom and his blankie. However...I think a mid-morning doughnut will make ME feel better...so off I go :)